So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
