I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
