college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
