I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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