Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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