Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
