They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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