There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
