Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
