dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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