lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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