I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
