fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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