If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
