At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
