Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
