we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
