I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
