The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
