can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
