he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
