i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
