I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
