Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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