Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
