Soap is not a condiment
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
