Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dick very happy bro
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
