Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
