i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
