please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
