I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
