just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
