this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
