She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
