He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
