It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
