HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
