My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
