they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
