I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
