just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
