hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
