Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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