Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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