You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
