im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
