i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
