Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize