when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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