It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
