Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
