Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
