I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
