wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize