in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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