I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
