Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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