dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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