Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
