We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
