Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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