dude i'm inner monologue high
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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