well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
