I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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