I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
