dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
