i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
