This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize