I just saw a hot homeless man
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
