I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize