she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
