the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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