there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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