i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
