That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
