Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
